Certain crimes in certain countries carry guaranteed death sentences. That doesn’t mean the sentence will come quickly or be anywhere near enjoyable.
Some methods are so heinous – and so excruciatingly painful – that they have made the toughest men scream (and plead, and cry, and cower) like little girls. Here are 15 such techniques… pulled from the history books… some of which might just give you nightmares.
1. Lethal Injection
It’s commonly believed that lethal injection is a painless method of execution, but belief doesn’t always mirror reality. The actual facts, as collected by a handful of Floridian and Virginian researchers, suggest that there is “severe burning” followed by suffocation during the 10 minutes leading up to death. A muscle relaxant-induced paralysis may be the only thing keeping the face from palpitating in blood-curdling agony
2. Electric Chair
Hanging was deemed “cruel and unusual” and slightly inhumane, so we decided to start frying inmates like slabs of bacon instead. The prisoner is shaved, bound and adorned with a metal “hat” which is actually a live electrode. When the executioner throws the switch the prisoner may catch fire, have eyeballs pop out of hte socket, piss/shit/bleed/drool all over themselves, and convulse to the point of tearing ligaments and fracturing bones. Pleasant.
3. Hanged, Drawn, and Quartered
During the 13th century, long before the first European set to work eradicating Indians, the Brits were busy showing the world what execution was really all about. To be hung, drawn and quartered meant to be drawn to the place of execution on a wooden frame (for the spectator’s sake), hung by the neck over and over again and released just before suffocating (for torture’s sake), and then quartered which meant having your balls cut off and your guts cut out then set ablaze in front of you (for slow death’s sake). The prisoner, who is still alive, is then decapitated and chopped into four parts – each section being staked in different parts of the country to deter other potential traitors.
4. Crucifixion
For those unfamiliar with the Bible, crucifixion involves being nailed to a wooden cross and left to (eventually) die. The executed are crucified in the nude and forced to piss and defecate all over themselves publically. Occasionally, the executed would be shown mercy… and would be adhered to the cross by simply being tied to it. While Jesus Christ is the most “famous” victim of crucifixion, Saint Peter suffered the same fate although he asked to be crucified upside down, feeling unworthy of a death similar to Christ’s.
In some countries using Sharia law, crucifixion is still permitted with the most recent legal use being in Sudan in 2002 where 88 people were sentenced to death.
5. Burnt At The Stake
Burning at the stake is a much slower process than Hollywood depicts. The best in the business make sure your calves burn first. The flame slowly creeps north to your thighs… then your torso… next your chest… and finally your face. Most of your flesh chars before you’re met by death. All you could hope for is to be executed with a large group, so that carbon monoxide poisoning can get you before the flames do.
6. Brazen Bull
There’s thousands of ways to die, and by Brazen Bull is not one of the most enjoyable. An ancient Greek by the name of Perilaus devised a “human oven”, shaped from brass to resemble a bull, which would be heated by fire to literally roast the man inside. The Brazen Bull was all the more demonic because it would twist the screams of its victims to sound like the bellowing of an angry bull. Perilaus himself was the first to make the bull bawl, having been tricked into its stomach by King Phalaris for describing the contraption’s auditory ability as “the tenderest, most pathetic, most melodious of bellowings.” [sic]
7. Fed to Animals
Powerless and terrified, the accused struggles against blood-thirsty beasts as they sink razor-sharp teeth deep into his flesh. It’s hard to even imagine. Even if the man somehow manages to subdue one animal, new animals are set on him until the sky is shattered by his screams for mercy. This was rare; one animal would usually dine on multiple men before getting her fill.
8. Slow Slicing or Death By A Thousand Cuts (Ling Chi)
The executioner starts his work on nerve-filled areas like the thighs and breasts, slicing off flesh like steaks. Then come the joints, the nose, the ears, the fingers and the toes… each severed one after another. The limbs are hacked apart starting at the first joint (wrist/ankle) and ending at the last joint (shoulder/hip). The final blow is slow coming and welcomed; a knife is plunged through the heart or used to chop off the head.
9. Flaying
Flaying may be as old (or older) than Christianity but isn’t nearly as compassionate. The accused is executed in one of three ways: One method involves slowly peeling off the skin after allowing the Sun to redden the skin. Another involves a boiling water bath with the same end. The third method is less elaborate, requiring only that the hands be tied above the head before the skin is removed. Just goes to show that there is more than one way to skin a man.
10. Garotte
The garrote is a Spanish invention of particularly diabolical effectiveness. Version 1.0 involved beating the condemned – to death – with a heavy club. The updated method meant strapping the individual into a chair and slowly suffocating them with a crank-powered metal band which might or might not include a spike to the spinal cord to snap the neck like a twig.
11. Stoning
As the name alludes, the executed is pummeled with stones until they take their last breath. A fury-blind mob acts as the executioner, and they add some fun by using stones large enough to hurt but small enough that the pummeling will last between 10 to 20 minutes.
12. Death by Spanish Donkey
The Spanish Donkey is a V-Shaped (or pyramid shaped) wooden horse, upon which the accused is sat. With legs hanging from each side, weights are strung from the ankles forcing the edge of the horse to slice clear through the middle of the body. The speed of the splitting process can be controlled with the amount of applied weight, giving the executioner total control over how quickly (or slowly) death comes.
13. Necklacing
Necklacing, in this case, isn’t about “bling bling”… it’s more like “burn burn”. A tire is soaked in gas and draped from the neck of the executed. You can guess the rest. In a testament to the direction of modern society, necklacing wasn’t created until March 23rd, 1985 when a community counselor and his sons were executed by a vindictive South African mob.
14. Scaphism
In ancient Persia, those sentenced to scaphism were stripped naked and smothered in honey. Then they were shacked between two sandwiched rowboats, leaving only the head, hands and feet protruding.
The violent force feeding of milk and honey came next, leaving the accused with a stomach-twisting diarrhea. The execution culminated by setting the floating tomb assail on a stagnant pond, allowing the chewing and stinging of insects to bring insanity… and the dehydration or starvation to bring death.
15. Sawing
Satan himself couldn’t have devised a more diabolical execution method. The prophet Isaiah himself was murdered in this manner. The accused is hung upside down by the ankles, keeping the brain fully supplied regardless of bodily blood loss.
The executioner then brandishes her saw and begins at the crotch, ripping slowly through flesh and bone en route to the head. It isn’t uncommon for the victim to survive until the belly button is reached… and occasionally for several excruciating inches longer.
